I started taking Alli to help with my weight loss. It seems to be effective, right off the bat. The side effects are less than desirable, however. Not for those who aren’t willing to change their entire lifestyle!
First off, you take one pill @ each meal, and a multi-vitamin at night to supplement the nutrients you may lose during the day. And let me say this without being TOO graphic- the changes are visible & noticeable.
This is from Jeff Kay’s translation of the side effects listed into laymans terms- I laughed so hard I nearly experienced them all!
“Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
Here the drug makers are trying to soothe the nerves of the skeptical fatty, by speaking their language. Pizza is something fatties understand, and a big part of the reason they’re interested in Alli to begin with. Pizza is good, pizza is reassuring… even when it’s flowing from your ass like molten lava.
The website mentions seeing the undigested fat in a toilet, but that’s clearly a best case scenario. You might also see it on the tops of your shoes, across the hood of a car, or way up the shower curtain, near the loops.
The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects.
Bowel changes. Notice how they phrase that? It means stuff will be happening the likes of which you could never have imagined. It’ll be like a daily Dean Koontz novel inside your underwear.
You may get:
gas with oily spotting
You’ll be farting Wesson oil straight through your Dockers…
loose stools
and having violent chipped beef explosions…
more frequent stools that may be hard to control
all the time, with a sphincter that can no longer be counted as a friend.
Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. Limit fat intake in your meals to an average of 15 grams.
The McDonald’s Big Mac has 34 grams of fat, and the Burger King Whopper has 40. Eat either of these while taking Alli, and you’ll very likely be transformed into a diarrhea cannon.
Learning how to manage treatment effects is an important part of being successful with alli. Here’s how to take control:
Start trimming fat from your diet now, even before you begin taking alli. Then pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect. Make the timing work for you. If you’re getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over
Blowing liquid feces down a row of bridesmaids, for instance, could be viewed negatively in certain circles. Further, an unexpected bout of the power-squirts while riding “The Bullet” at the county fair might not ingratiate you with your friends. Or anyone on the fairway. Or the folks in the parking lot walking to their cars.
While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings
You see, when you think about it, crapping yourself is actually a positive.
You can’t “save fat grams” from lunch and “spend them” at dinner. Spread your daily fat gram allowance of 15 grams on average per meal over the whole day
Cheating can lead to embarrassment, tears, and the introduction of a frantically constructed toilet paper crack-wedge in the bathroom of an Applebee’s. It’s simply not worth it.
You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work
Until you get the hang of it, you should probably take along a rolling suitcase full of brown clothes everywhere you go, while taking Alli. Luckily, however, turd-colored clothing is in this season; turd is the new vomit.
If co-workers ask about it, there is no shame in telling the truth. You might be surprised how understanding folks can be if you simply say, “I dress like this to conceal the poop that’s constantly soaking through the seat of my pants.”
You may not usually get gassy, but it’s a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens
Showboating is not recommended.
You can use a food journal to recognize what foods can lead to treatment effects. For example, writing down what you eat may help you learn that marinara sauce is a better option than Alfredo sauce
In addition to a handcart full of extra pants designed to camouflage your anal leakage, it might also be a good idea to carry a schematic and information wheel, so you don’t repeat past mistakes and have a treatment effect halfway up your back.”
http://thewvsr.com/alli.htm
I hope you get a kick out of this- I’m taking the drug, and I still cracked up laughing.
As a positive, it IS working. I’ve seen a drop in pounds on the first few days, and I feel better about working out- also trying the 5-hour energy (when needed, only) has seemed to increase my endurance during workouts. Matt set up the punching bag and barbell/dumbells in the garage, so I have a mini-gym @ home! Yay!
More dress fittings this weekend, plus a bridal expo! Busy, busy! Good luck, buddies!
Comments(3) 
- Yesterday I went to Victoria’s Secret, finally fed up with department store bras & their inability to fit properly. Finally got measured & realized I have been wearing the WRONG size for YEARS. Should have been in a 36C rather than the 34B I’ve been so accustomed to and uncomfortable in. *sigh* I feel better now.
XML Feed
