infjoy

I made the mistake of going to a bridal expo today… omhg.  “Buy this! Buy this!”- It was a little overwhelming… soooo many vendors.  One of em asked if I wanted any electrolysis or cellulite removal- I responded with a raised (shaped) eyebrow and a “why, do I look like I need it?” (Not being able to eat chocolate or pizza brings out the beeotch in me, what can I say???)

But I digress… it did it me when I got home- just the stress of planning EVERYTHING alone. Well, the fiance helps.  But a thousand questions are running thru my mind everytime I start planning- “What color linens should I get and how much will they cost?  Who should do my photography and how much will they cost?  Should I make my own invitations or buy them or have calligraphy done and how much will that cost?  I found the dress of my dreams (I think) and after alterations how much will THAT cost?” (See the running theme here?)

Yes, cost is a HUGE factor.  So, I’m cutting out the unnecessary- I DONT need matching table linens and napkins and draperies, I DONT need a coordinator with an entourage of attendants and “sparkle!”  Lol.  Fiance calmed me down, reaffirmed my faith in our being able to plan this by ourselves, and reminded me of all the friends we have that can help.  For example, my mother works for a church that will let us borrow the serving dishes and a projector for karaoke (yes, we’re having karaoke at the wedding), I have a friend who owns a restaurant who will cater, and our best bud is a karaoke veejay.

We are definitely very blessed with friends & family that want to see us have a memorable, beautiful wedding!  And Matt & I have been working out together- it’s been great- we keep each other on track with our diet and workouts.  I noticed some weight loss with the Alli, but then TOM showed up and so did the water weight… *sigh*  But this time I’m not giving up- I’m gonna keep pushin.  My biggest reward will be my awesome toned arms and everything else for my wedding dress!

BTW, here’s a pic of the dress I tried on that I think I’m gonna get!  It goes against everything I thought I wanted in a wedding dress, but it looks the best on me out of all the ones I tried.  Opinions?  I can take it!

Have a great week, buddies!! Make healthy choices and keep your heads up!!!

I started taking Alli to help with my weight loss.  It seems to be effective, right off the bat.  The side effects are less than desirable, however.  Not for those who aren’t willing to change their entire lifestyle!

First off, you take one pill @ each meal, and a multi-vitamin at night to supplement the nutrients you may lose during the day.  And let me say this without being TOO graphic- the changes are visible & noticeable.

This is from Jeff Kay’s translation of the side effects listed into laymans terms- I laughed so hard I nearly experienced them all!

“Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.

The website mentions seeing the undigested fat in a toilet, but that’s clearly a best case scenario. You might also see it on the tops of your shoes, across the hood of a car, or way up the shower curtain, near the loops.

The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects.

You may get:

gas with oily spotting

Blowing liquid feces down a row of bridesmaids, for instance, could be viewed negatively in certain circles. Further, an unexpected bout of the power-squirts while riding “The Bullet” at the county fair might not ingratiate you with your friends. Or anyone on the fairway. Or the folks in the parking lot walking to their cars.

While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings

You see, when you think about it, crapping yourself is actually a positive.

You can’t “save fat grams” from lunch and “spend them” at dinner. Spread your daily fat gram allowance of 15 grams on average per meal over the whole day

Cheating can lead to embarrassment, tears, and the introduction of a frantically constructed toilet paper crack-wedge in the bathroom of an Applebee’s. It’s simply not worth it.    

In addition to a handcart full of extra pants designed to camouflage your anal leakage, it might also be a good idea to carry a schematic and information wheel, so you don’t repeat past mistakes and have a treatment effect halfway up your back.”

http://thewvsr.com/alli.htm

I hope you get a kick out of this- I’m taking the drug, and I still cracked up laughing.

As a positive, it IS working.  I’ve seen a drop in pounds on the first few days, and I feel better about working out- also trying the 5-hour energy (when needed, only) has seemed to increase my endurance during workouts.  Matt set up the punching bag and barbell/dumbells in the garage, so I have a mini-gym @ home!  Yay!

More dress fittings this weekend, plus a bridal expo!  Busy, busy!  Good luck, buddies!

Well, not that many.  But I cried for over an hour after my dress fittings today.  Trying to get an early jump on the wedding gown frenzy, I took my friend Jenna with me to Alfred Angelo.  Literally, I tried on at least 12 dresses, probably closer to 15.

I’ve heard it’s supposed to be exciting and exilherating when you find “the one”.  For every dress I tried on, all I could think was “I’m fat. I’m fat. I’m effing huge. I’m fat.”  I cried a little more after I realized my measurements- 37 - 30 - 45.  Yikes, that’s a big booty.  Um…. yeah, I got nothing.  Also proves why I have such a hard time finding bras that fit- I’m a half-size! Argh!

Today is Sunday.  After my little bf last night, my fiance calmed me down, graciously looked at my dress fitting pictures, insisted I did not look fat at all, and promised to help more with the wedding planning.

Part of my problem, I have acknowledged, is a lack of energy.  I usually work 10 hours per day, minimum, in addition to being mommy & driving almost 2 hours per day to get Parker to & from school.  Matt (fiance) has been wonderful in doing laundry, cleaning the house and usually has dinner cooked & ready by the time we get home.  But I have such absolute mental and physical fatigue by the end of the day.

Matt brought me some of the five-hour energy shots.  I did as directed, took half, then took the rest about 2 hours later when I needed the boost to work out.  It definitely worked.  I had the energy to work out in the garage with the punching bag, dumbells, leg-weights and jump rope.  Whew!

Next step is…. I’m trying Alli.  I’m 5′4″, weighing 168 lbs.  I’m overweight, I need to face it, I need help doing something to resolve it.  I’m not looking to be 36 24 36, but 37 30 45 ain’t doin it for me anymore.

The ultimate goal- lose up to 30 lbs, or at least slim down my hips to a 40 or 39 and/or drop 3 dress sizes (from a 14 to an 8 or so).

Bring it on, world, bring it on.  I think I’m ready

Been red meat free for over a week now!  No steak OR pork AT ALL!  I’ve had some chicken and some fish, but mainly lean stuff.  I actually feel pretty good- picked up some iron pills to counter-balance my anemia.  Also been taking vitamins and SlimQuick- finished the 7-day cleansing period, now onto the regular stuff, which will hopefully boost my weight loss with my diet and exercise.

Now the hard part- phase two.  I’m trying to eliminate CHEESE.  Yeah. It’s the bane of my existence.  I realized I have cheese in nearly EVERY meal, in some form or another (except breakfast, but sometimes even in that.)  I’m Italian, it’s in my blood- parmesan, bleu, asiago, feta, gorgonzola, goat… the list goes on & on.

Funny thing- I can tolerate drinking an entire glass of milk in one sitting, but too much cheese (or ice cream, which I’m also avoiding) forces my stomach to rebel.  So, I’m cutting back, at first.  I realize it’s next to impossible to eliminate cheese entirely, but I need to cut back.

My lovely fiance made a GREAT dinner last night- grilled chicken salad with Feta cheese balsamic vinagrette dressing over hummus & pita- he’s so supportive, I love him.

Going to the gym tonight after work!  These 11 hour days at work are killing me, but I’m using my bike foot pedals under my desk to boost my metabolism (resting at least).  Trying to stay positive and keep my eye on the prize, which is being able to fit into a wedding dress!

So I’m down 2 pounds!  Yes I just started again, and most of it is water weight- but I’ve been good about sticking to my SlimQuick regimine and my no-meat dieat (only had some fish in my sushi, but other than that mostly rice, veggies, fruits and peanut butter for protein).  So, I’m feeling a bit better about myself.

Also noticed that the hubby to be has put on just as much weight as I have - fortunately for him, it doesn’t show as much.  But I’ve determined that we’ve just gotten comfortable and happy and let ourselves go a bit.  We’re working on getting healthy together now.

And I have a girls nite out tomorrow!  Going to get all dolled up & go to a concert in Orlando- cannot wait!  Super excited!

Good luck, buddies!  Have a great weekend!

I don’t know what else to do.  I feel like I’m spiraling out of control on my weight.

I can’t understand why or how I’ve gained so much over less than a year.  Nothing has changed in my routine, my diet or my (lack of) exercise.  But ever since I turned 27 in November of last year, I’ve gained over 30 pounds.  I weigh more now than I did pregnant with my son.

It’s making me absolutely miserable.  I lack the discipline to go to the gym- I just don’t have the willpower.  Being fat has made me more weak and tired, so I never want to do anything.  That makes me more depressed, and the cycle keeps churning.

I’m going to try a no-meat diet next (and yes, I will eat peanut butter and take vitamins & iron pills to combat anemia, which I’ve had since before I had my kid).  But I eat a lot of meats and cheeses normally, which needs to stop.

The next step is to see a doctor.  I HATE admitting that I have a problem to begin with, and asking for help is completely foreign to me.  But I can only assume SOMETHING is the catalyst behind my sudden weight gain, I just need to figure out what.

I should be happy- I got a promotion, making great money, engaged to a wonderful man, but I’m miserable trapped inside my own body.   It may seem shallow, but I can’t be happy at this weight.  I’m not happy with myself.

Any help or advice would be appreciated.  Anyone experienced the same or similar problem?

My wonderfully awesome boyfriend proposed to me last night!  He totally surprised me!  I was absolutely blown away and ecstatic!

He’s even agreed to come dance with me so I can lose weight- he’s amazingly supportive.

In not so good news, my 6 year old son has the swine flu.  He’s recovering at his dad’s house, and now I have it too.  Lovely.  It just sucks- headache, fever, chills, aches, nasuea- the works.  Again, my now fiance came home from work to take care of me.  He’s awesome.

So, I still want to slim down some for my cruise in November, but now I have another PERMANENT weight loss goal- a wedding!  We’ll be getting married November 2010, so I have some time, but I want to get into a steady habit of eating healthy and BEING healthy, once I’m over the swine flu.

Ugh.  I’m back.  Still fat.  Yep, used the f-word.  Not feeling too good about myself right now, but we’ll get to that later.

I was promoted & received a raise at work.  Yay!  In addition to my new responsibilities I have become the ultimate breadwinner in the household, which is fine by me, as I have an awesome boyfriend who cooks, cleans, shops, and best of all, empties the litter box and garbage.  *sigh* I love him.

In not so good news, I fell off the wagon as far as working out.  My back injury put me out for a while, and has continued to persist.  I spent several weekends stripping, sanding, and restoring furniture for our room, which I guess I used as an excuse not to go to the gym.  (It’s Florida- you walk outside, you sweat.)  Baaaaaaad joy.

In good news, the furniture is now done, and I’ve realized something valuable.  I hate working out.  The thought of going to the gym physically nauseates me.

HOWEVER….

I loooooove to dance.  Swing & ballroom, mostly.  There used to be a place around the corner that had dance every week, but it’s gone now.  I’ve been scouring the city ever since.  Hopefully have found a few new places to go.  Dragging the bf with me tomorrow.  I think dance is something I could really be committed to, even if it’s just socially.  When I was in high school and college, dancing on a regular basis, I weighed 115 lbs & had rock hard abs.  Now… not so much.

In other bad news, I have to have surgery on both of my feet.  Fun!  I have bunions AND what are called tailors bunions, on the pinky toe instead of the big toe.  It’s hereditary, and my whole family has them to varying degrees.  Went to the podiatrist, he took xrays- basically there should be about 8 degrees of seperation between the fourth & fifth metatarsals, the bones that hold your pinky toe & the one next to it.  I have about 30 degrees on each foot and bones that are growing curved.  Yuck.

Luckily, that won’t happen until January or later, and not on both feet at the same time.  I’m not scheduling surgery before the holidays, that would just suck.  And I do still have my cruise to look forward to, whoo hoo!

My bf has been amazingly patient and understanding with me, even when I’m irrational and force him to leave public places with me because I become instantaneously self-conscious and anxious.  I have a bit of public anxiety, and I can’t explain it really.  But today I caught a glimpse of myself, accidently, in the mirror in the shoe department at walmart, and all I wanted to do was go home & hide under the covers.  Which is exactly what I did.

Which brings me to the beginning- not happy with myself.  I want to lose weight, but I lack the driving force and consistent commitment to do so.  I’m not giving up, I’m just stuck and don’t know where to go from here.

Sorry for being so absent on the site lately, I’ve just had a lot going on in my head.

Ok, so I’m prolly pms-ing, but I’ve got a whole day of chasing my rugrat around @ my sister’s pool party before he goes back to school tomorrow, and I just simply did NOT want to go to the gym this morning.  I went Sunday, Tuesday & Thursday of last week, plus ran around all day Friday and walked the Town Center yesterday.  I’m beat!

I’m also majorly discouraged.  Again, I’m trying to attribute this to water-weight from my monthly pain-in-the-ass visitor, but I keep bouncing back & forth between 156lbs & 160lbs.  I can’t break out of this cycle… what am I doing wrong?  I excercise more, I eat LESS, even tho I’m still hungry.  I eat heathier, snack healthy, take multi-vitamins.  I have to pay for the remaining half of the cruise in 2 weeks, plus just got hit with a $500 electric bill.  Add on to that trying to re-establish my credit & remove erroneous records off my report… fighting about five uphill battles at once and losing all of them.

So today when the bf asked “are you going to the gym?”  I didn’t say yes.  I didn’t say no.  I simply said “I really don’t feel like it.  I went 3 times last week.”  He looked me up & down and said “You really should.”

Granted, I don’t think he meant it that way, but I certainly took it as “WHALE OFF THE STARBOARD BOW!  TAKE EVASIVE ACTION!”  Again, prolly my monthly pre-cycle talking.  But it hurt.  I’m trying so hard, and nothing seems to be working.  Even my bf thinks I’m fat.

I know I should turn this into positive motivation and work extra hard at the gym today, but I just can’t.  I’m going, begrudgingly, but I’m so discouraged now.

Any tips on anything I need to do to lose this weight?  I really need help & I can’t do it anymore…

WARNING- BRA STORY - Yesterday I went to Victoria’s Secret, finally fed up with department store bras & their inability to fit properly.  Finally got measured & realized I have been wearing the WRONG size for YEARS.  Should have been in a 36C rather than the 34B I’ve been so accustomed to and uncomfortable in.  *sigh* I feel better now.

In doing so, I also realized I am a “hippy” person.  I have a large posterior accompanied by large hips.  This will not change *much*.  I didn’t HAVE one hip at birth and it took 2 years of wearing a harness to force one to form, so I’m just happy to be able to walk around normally and have full range of motion.

But, I have wide spaced hips and a large chest and a short torso, and I will never be that “supermodel” skinny.  I have accepted my fate and moved on.  Sorta.  Still going to the gym @ least 3 times a week, but I need to bump it up a notch I think.  Go for 90 minutes instead of 60.  Wednesday is my “I’m-gonna-pass-out-cardio” day, where I focus mainly on fat burn with little emphasis on resistance/weight training.

The bf thinks I should join a class @ the gym, but I HATE the class environment.  I nearly had panic attacks every morning in dance class when we had to do crunches & bicycles, I don’t think I could handle that again.

And I’m convinced the digital scale is out to de-motivate me.  I need to get on the ball with this weight loss thing, and, like NOW.  November is NOT that far away.

In other good news, according to my bf who has been stashing money away- I may soon have that pretty sparkly thing on my left hand.  *fingers crossed*  Plus I promised him I’d get him a PS3 once he finally does propose, just a little added incentive.  Lol…

More later, gym now!